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| wow...what a week...it has been a very emo week, even for D.E.S. standards, and i know that Devins Emo Site can get pretty emo..it started with certain thngs and ended with certain things even though the week isnt over...im okay, and i feel fine for now, but i wonder if its gonna get worse or better...i hope it only gets better. i dont want to list everything that happened for privacy and for lack of tiime to write it all and bandwidth. it would bog down the servers cause theres so much to tell. but i did something last night that will either be the end of me or the new beginning...i dont know yet...and im worried. and the culmination of all of this is that i miss the one i love and hope she still loves me. were not fighting that i know of, its just beek one hell of a rough week for me and my withering emotions....
i wish you peace above war
*devin* | | |
| from "rose of sharyn"
......numb and broken, here i stand alone. wondering-what were the last words i said to you...hoping pryaing, that ill find a way to turn back time.....can i turn back time? what would i give, to behold the smile, the face of love.....you never left me, the rising sun will always speak your name....it wont be long, we'll meet again, your memory is never passing. it wont be long, we'll meet again, my love for you is everlasting....i mourn for those who never knew you......
beautiful, dont you think?
i think!
haha hey not much going on here, certain people are gone for a long time and i cant talk to them, but i have the complete volumes of lets cook with chicken, on c/d. and so i wont forget her voice..promise! in the meanwhile, i am getting better at the drums, and so that makes me happy and also i know how to use a shotgun really well, so this is your last warning-dont fuck with me! JUST KIDDING. no but seriously i went to the shooting range in kingsburg and shot those little orange clay discs and on the first run got 17 out of 25. i guess its not bad for a first try...i think its decent if not terrible, but then again sometimes i have high expectations so what am i gonna do? well, for one im gonna keep shooting. i get a small rush upon firing weapons...i dunno, maybe cause of the kick, maybe its the sportsmanship of finding methods to hit those little orange fuckers, or maybe its just cause if i turned it 180^ and squeezed the trigger, it would end me. i like taking huge risks, and guns are pretty much death sticks anyways.....fun stuff! me likey me likey!
well, alyssa if you get this, know i miss you and that i want you to call me, anytime day or night, and if i or my phone isnt retarded, ill pick up no questions asked. i dont even care if its long distance, just call me on da cell. bye babe! i love you! | | |
| hah, some have already seen this, but id say its a keeper....
hmmm, didnt get to do what i wanted today, it made me a sad boy, but i know itll be okay in the end. 4 days is a long time, dont you agree?
heres to a long sigh and i night of solitude.....goddamn i hate my job. i need to get out, of all of this. i need to go pool my money together, steal a car, and a camper, and sneak out one night and go live in the woods with alyssa for all eternity. no bullshit job, no school that teaches me most everything that i already knew...(how is that anyways? i watched too much history channel growing up i guess) no nothin. just a lifetime of holidays and running naked through the forest. i could fish for a month straight if i wanted to, and lemme tell you, you have not lived until you have ridden a dirtbike naked. 100 miles an hour, with everything flappin in the wind...oooh, i get a chill just thinking about it.....
well, i was told about a job opportuntiy that would never involve plants recently...and im not telling any of you motherfuckers, cause i want it, and im selfish, greedy, lazy, and also have no chance in hell of getting ajob when there is any form of competition. bwahahaha!!!!
umm, mass response to anyone who said anything about alyssa and i. thank you we are doing really well, i have no problem telling anyone (except her parents) that i am in love with her and that i want this to last for as long as possible and that i will do what i can to see that that happens. idnt it wierd how she used to hate me?
well, all for now, im so lazy that i didnt even type "that's" as in "that's all for now" oh fuck i just typed it twice, didnt i? i guess that means that ill type two less words in wrapping this retarded-ass-blog up. so without further ado, i will say that i am very very | | |
| i talked to my love until the clock struck "go to bed alfuckingready" yeah. it actually said that. i told her that i would see her that same day, in a matter of hours, without knowing for sure within myself that it would happen, but with every shred of my lonely heart begging to hear the powers that be say yes....and they did. i had no chance in hell, yet, my prophetic statement held true and i was left to fend for myself in hanford, only to find my beloved. with this love, i know im right, and its the best damn feeling in the world.
fairs are awesome. randomly seeing the one that i love in a far away city for hours is better. the screams from my lonely past being soothed and cooed to sleep is everything that has created me as i stand today. that, is the best. i read a time capsule of sorts yesterday. all the papers and love letters from satan, whoops i meant katherine and all of my old poems, chemistry papers, and anything else that was in my desk was all preserved, unopened, and forgotten for a year. until i found it and read a lot. i remembered the good, the bad, and everything in between. i was screaming out for a girl like alyssa, and now here i am, just when i lost all hope, she took my hand, and a chance. im not a gambler, but oh boy the risk was worth it.
everything i ever said to katherine was everything that i had ever wanted to hear, and everything that was lost on a low life manipulative drug addict. i just never saw it cause i was too caught up in my own dream. but i woke up......now i have this, it is the definitive polar opposite. and this time there is no false, we are what we are, and facades exist only in our trying to not kiss each other 24/7....how could i have been so lucky?
she is everything i have ever dreamed of, and anyone who ever really knew me knows that i am not lying a bit. she is the first person to make me cry tears of happiness. to be in love....how bizarre. i was always so critical of people who said those three words. i still am, but i know better. we dont fight, we arent superficial, we mutually agree to do these things right, and with respect and decency...and that is all the more reason to love her that much more. nothing about this was fast or rushed, just at our own pace regardless of other peoples thoughts and in defiance of typical teenage standards for relationships. we do everything our way, and what could be better? how perfect is that? and still, i ask you all, how lucky am i? very just isnt the word. too, just isnt possible, cause theres more luck than just too much.
everything that weve ever done, whether it be a night out, or a passionate kiss, has always meant so much to me. ive never tired of her. there's been no no burn out. interesting, aint it?
id say so....but in a good way!
*devo* | | |
| ill never leave you unless i have to. you are alone, but you will never be far from my love. | | |
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